What's in a name? (Month Three)

 Three-month-old Mercedes. She grins all day long, but won't smile for the camera!

My Mercy girl,

Well before we knew of you I fell in love with the name Mercedes. As it turns out, the name is your abuela's mother's name. We've never met her, nor will we until we've both passed on to the other side of the veil. Your namesake died shortly after Aba was born, from complications related to birth. We don't know a lot about Mercedes, as far as her likes or personality goes, but she died giving life and that is the ultimate manifestation of love. We are proud to have you carry on her name.

The name Mercedes means "mercies," and coincidentally, my darling girl, you have been clear full of them. From the get go you have been mild-mannered, but the older you get the more apparent your joyful, peaceful demeanor becomes. You are constantly smiling and cooing, and your dad and I find it completely contagious! You fill us with joy. Of course, it doesn't hurt that you sleep through the night! Lately, if I sing to you, you break out in a big grin. One morning as I tried rocking you before a nap, I sang to you "I Am a Child of God." You smiled at me and sweetly cooed in response. My heart melted. You are truly a gift to us from God, and you are already blessed with divine talents from above. My hope and prayer for you is that you will continue to bring joy to others and become a peacemaker among your friends and family.

Those moments buoy me when I feel as if I have been sucked dry. Motherhood is hard, even with such a good baby like you. There has never been another point in my life where I have had to give so much of myself to another. It has been a truly transformative journey, and one I hope you'll someday enjoy yourself. In the moments I felt as if I couldn't possibly give any more, relying on the Savior through prayer, faith and obedience has given me the strength to continue to love you. As I look to the Savior I am able to learn from his example of sacrifice and obedience. He gives me the strength to humbly serve. He helps me summon the energy to continue forward — and do so joyfully — in the times where all I want to do is run away. As I love you, I feel the Savior's love. I hope you feel that love, too. Because of him I can love you fully and endlessly. And I'll never stop. Neither will He.

My sweet girl, days will eventually come where you, too, will find yourself thinking "I have no more to give," or "I am not enough." Please know — please remember — you can do it. You are enough. You always have been and always will. Whatever The Lord will task you with in the future, he already, from the foundation of this world, made it possible for you to make it through. He's already ensured that your best effort is enough. He has given us the Savior to ensure that! If you follow Jesus Christ's ultimate example and move forward in faith, your greatest fears, deepest pains and shortcomings can and will be made irrelevant. 

When those days do come, I hope your own name reminds you that you can do hard and beautiful things! Your heritage is one of faith, sacrifice and joy! You come from a long line of pioneers and immigrants who each have their own stories sprinkled with struggles and triumphs. Look to your ancestors for inspiration, and surely you'll find Grandpa Jens Nielson's "stickie-ta-tudy" to make it through. 

Always,

Mama