On identity and relationships (18 months)

My 18-month-old exploring the University of Oklahoma campus.

Mercy,

It's difficult for me to summarize my feelings on the last six months. Not because you haven't made marked growth, but because when I think of you, I feel like you and I — as we know us now — has always been. It almost seems implausible to imagine my identity as one that isn't fluid with my small child, ebbing and flowing from one to two as only a mother and infant can. Between pregnancy and breastfeeding for 14 months, I shared my body with you for nearly two years. Though we have always been two separate beings, for much of your life up until this point I have lived and done so much for you — producing food for you, changing you, helping you sleep and regulate your emotions, etc. It's an experience that has humbled me, better taught me the meaning of charity, and given me a small glimpse into how and why the Savior would so willingly sacrifice himself for all of us. Divine love — charitable love, Christ-like love — inspires undeviating selflessness and sacrifice. What a gift, what a joy it has been to feel that love for you.

Worth the Sacrifice (Month Six)

Six-month-old Mercedes

Mercedes,

There is a poem I stumbled upon some time in the past, credited to an Anne Campbell, that explains well what it's like to be a mother:

60th Wedding Anniversary

My grandparents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary over the weekend. I was so grateful to be able to be back in California to celebrate such a milestone with them and my entire family (save for three cousins and a few in-laws).

It was a special occasion to have most of us in the same spot, and I will forever cherish the conversations I had with both of my grandparents. Grandad, 84, was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. Unfortunately, the cancer has spread to his spine. Though we don't yet know his prognosis, we know at his age, it's only a matter of time — month or years. We sat and talked about life lessons he has learned, and I asked him for advice he'd give me as I approach motherhood and anything he'd want to tell his great-grandchildren. It was a tender exchange between the two of us and my cousins, mom and aunt that were also gathered around. I loved seeing my grandma, 79, tear up as she viewed a printed version of one of her wedding photos.

All of us! I am so grateful that my family can be mine for eternity!

Pregnancy News Reactions

We obviously had a lot of positive feedback upon breaking the news that we're expecting a baby. A few ranked up there as my favorites.

Among them, Kathleen and Brandon's reaction after I texted them the good news:

This straight up made me laugh out loud.

My other fav was when Nathaniel was on the phone with his abuela. He told her I was due in August, and she said, "Oh, of next year?" I literally could not stop laughing. Yes, Abuela, a two-year pregnancy — what?!

Always,

Baby Cruz

Art I made shortly after finding out I was pregnant.

We are over the moon excited to announce baby GIRL Cruz is coming mid-August 2014!

We had our first ultrasound today and got to see our little love! Healthy at 11 oz. at 19 weeks, measuring 4 days ahead! Can't wait to meet her!

My sweet — probably dramatic — girl with her hand on her forehead. 

Valentine's Column

I surprised my love this year with a column written just about him. It was so fun to share my feelings in such a public way and hear Nathaniel and other's reactions about a relationship that is so near and dear to my heart!

The picture that accompanied the column. The two of us at the salsa club in Lubbock, Texas, the summer we started dating.

Always,

Three Years

Three years of marriage today. After both of us working all day we grabbed a pizookie from BJ's to celebrate.
Love this man.

Nathaniel,

Three years have come and gone in the blink of an eye. This last year has been filled with some of the greatest joys and deepest sorrows. The thing that has touched me the most is your capacity to love and serve, no matter the circumstances. When things are up, you're there to celebrate with me and are undoubtedly my biggest cheerleader. You are joyful and though you don't see it, I view it as one of the greatest gifts a person could ever have. You bring happiness to me and those around you just by being yourself. I am grateful for that example.

In the days I felt I couldn't move forward this year, you were there to hold me, wipe my tears and whisper encouragements. Your heart ached with mine when I felt my own heart was beyond repair and I can't thank you enough for that. In those moments you taught me more about love than I ever have before. Thank you for serving me in all times, the good and the bad, and for always reminding me that marriage is about following the example of our Savior Jesus Christ.

I love you. Thank you for choosing me as your forever.

Always,

Taylor + Logan

I woke up bright and early June 1 to get ready to be a bridesmaid in Taylor's wedding. We all had a blast getting ready in anticipation of Tay's big day!

Myself and the bride.

I think we were all well and ready once the ceremony finally came around and it was perfect! The weather was beautiful and the pastor's delivery even sweeter. The entire ceremony focused around the marital covenant and its connection to the Savior Jesus Christ. It was simple, tender and so sweet. I'm so grateful I was there to witness and support my dear friend marry the man of her life! Marriage is such a gift and I know they will make big things from it!

High school friends :)

To top off a perfect ceremony, the reception was awesome! The food was delicious, company great and the music kept us dancing all night! And did I mention the view? The reception was at a lighthouse, right on the water...so breathtaking!

With the bride, with my love, at the reception.

You can check out some of the professional photos here.

Always,

The Moore's: A Love Story

Once upon a time a woman named Joyzella (she went by Joyce, smart move) fell in love with a man named Sammy (yes, Sammy, not Samuel). He went off to serve in the military, but Joyce couldn't forget him. She didn't want to be forgotten either. So she sent a photo:

Joyce

And Sammy took a few photos of himself, too, lookin' all kinds of handsome.

Taylor's Bachelorette Party

Remember when I was asked to be a bridesmaid? The final days of being a Clark finally arrived for the future Mrs. McBride! We arrived in San Diego just in time for me to head out to the bachelorette party. We — the bride, bridesmaids and a few friends — spent the night in Downtown San Diego dancing, bar hoping and all around just having a good time! Definitely a success celebrating Taylor's last week of singledom!

Always,

Nasty emails and a resolve to be kind

I recently received an email that reduced me to tears. I'm not one to take things others say too personally, but after a lot of blood, sweat and tears — as well as a whole lot of self-doubt — I don't take it very well when I get a very condescending, nasty email.

I won't get in to what it said. Because it doesn't matter. Receiving nasty emails like this is nothing new for my line of work, but this one gave me a new resolve: For every nasty email I receive I will give a happy, positive, uplifting comment or compliment to a perfect stranger either through person, email or mail.

And that's that.

Always,

Allison + Diego

My sweet friend and former college roommate Allison married her honey, Diego, in Palestine, Texas, on April 26 and we were able to go and help her celebrate. The grounds were beautiful, the ceremony was sincere, the bride was gorgeous, the couple happy and the party filled with laughter and dancing — a great time for everyone!

Congrats you two, love you both!

The beautiful ceremony site at Elmwood Gardens.

Hope: A Miscarriage

Note: I recognize this is a topic that makes many people uncomfortable, and for whatever reason, people don't like talking about miscarriages openly. But because I know I am not the only one to endure such an experience and I have always maintained frank, honest openness about my life — I figured this shouldn't be an off-limits topic.

When I found out I was pregnant in Jan. 2013, I was shocked. I got pregnant almost immediately and it wasn't the result I was expecting. Save for some extreme tiredness, I felt like my pregnancy was progressing quite well. As every week passed, I eagerly read up on the progress of my baby and eagerly anticipated the day I would embrace my baby in my very own arms.

To say I was smitten would be an understatement. I was absolutely in love. I have dreamed my entire life of being a mother, and could hardly believe it was finally happening.

To say the least, when I started spotting on Feb. 15, at 9 weeks pregnant I felt blindsided. I yelled Nathaniel's name and instantly started crying and praying. I was terrified.

Happy Lover's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to my love, Nathaniel! Olive you!

Hand-painted "olive you" Valentine's card for my love.

Always,

2012: Highlights

Honestly, 2012 has largely been a blur for me. Let's recap it, shall we, before I lose track of 2013, too.

January:

I wrote story after story and enjoyed a visit from two sets of friends! I got my first real taste of Oklahoma weather, and was deeply touched by a group of local students and their teacher.

February:

We headed to Lubbock to celebrate my only nephew's first birthday, watched my brother jam out with his band, and laughed at the weird books I get in the mail at work. I got a double-dose of Disney, both at work and in Orlando.

Allison's Wedding

While we were in California for Christmas we were blessed to attend the wedding of my sweet high school friend, Allison. The two of us were on swim team together and enjoyed many, many hours together in the pool, talking at school or giggling at sleepovers. It made my heart soar to see her with a man that makes her so happy! Congrats, Allison and Josh! Thanks for letting us be apart of your big day!

During the ceremony

Monterey 2012

For Christmas we headed to California to enjoy the holiday with my family. After all the gifts were opened we — my parents, two brothers Tyler and Austin, and me and Nathaniel — loaded up the car and headed to Monterey. The day after Christmas my cousin Kourtney, and her husband, Alden, met up with us and we headed to the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

The aquarium was awe-inspiring — despite the crowds!

Meeting Baby Belton

After Thanksgiving, we loaded up the car and headed to Dallas to spend time with friends Matt and Laura, and Allison and Diego.

First on our agenda was meeting the new addition to Matt and Laura's family! We both totally fell in love with little Belton!

Such a sweetie!

We enjoyed catching up with Matt and Laura and loved hearing all about their new adventures into parenthood. We are so excited to watch Belt grow, and are excited to be a part of his life in the future! And we are especially glad he made it to this life in one piece — he had a close call trying to make his grand appearance, and we're grateful both him and mama are now happy and healthy.

Always,

Wedding gift art/new baby gift art

A very belated wedding gift and baby gift for my friend, Rachel!

I did this couple's wedding portrait with inks. The size is about 8'x10''.

Bridesmaid

I got a package in the mail today...

I was excited to see what's inside...