On identity and relationships (18 months)

My 18-month-old exploring the University of Oklahoma campus.

Mercy,

It's difficult for me to summarize my feelings on the last six months. Not because you haven't made marked growth, but because when I think of you, I feel like you and I — as we know us now — has always been. It almost seems implausible to imagine my identity as one that isn't fluid with my small child, ebbing and flowing from one to two as only a mother and infant can. Between pregnancy and breastfeeding for 14 months, I shared my body with you for nearly two years. Though we have always been two separate beings, for much of your life up until this point I have lived and done so much for you — producing food for you, changing you, helping you sleep and regulate your emotions, etc. It's an experience that has humbled me, better taught me the meaning of charity, and given me a small glimpse into how and why the Savior would so willingly sacrifice himself for all of us. Divine love — charitable love, Christ-like love — inspires undeviating selflessness and sacrifice. What a gift, what a joy it has been to feel that love for you.

Mercedes' Birth Story, part two

To read part one of Mercedes' birth story, click here. 

After Mercedes' birth I felt like I was on cloud nine. I was unbelievably exhausted but just in awe of this tiny person I had just given life.

Mercedes' Birth Story, part one

My entire pregnancy I assumed I'd give birth well past my due date. One, because I'm a first time mom and two, I figured it was karma. I was born 17 days late (sorry, Mom), so it'd only be fair if my pregnancy went late, too, right? Thankfully, towards the end of my pregnancy I wasn't a miserable mess for weeks on end as I hear many women are. But come a few days before my due date, I started to feel really awful — exhausted, uncomfortable, emotional, nauseous and dizzy. Dread started to set in as I imagined an extra two weeks of this state. Little did I know, our baby girl would be one of the few actually born on her due date.

I was due on Aug. 13, a Wednesday, and Sunday was when the "awful" kicked on. Monday morning I felt a few minor contractions and tried to fight any excitement — I knew irregular contractions could come and go for days on end before the real deal set in. Tuesday morning, around 7 a.m., I woke up after a measly four hours of sleep (thank you, tiny bladder and uncomfortable pregnant body) to the same irregular contractions. Since I couldn't sleep, I crawled into the bathtub to try and relax and started timing my contractions. Though the timing was still sporadic, sometimes 20 minutes apart, sometimes eight or closer, they were coming consistently and slowly getting closer and closer. 

Screenshot from timing my contractions. Every time I had a contraction in the tub my belly would get lopsided and I'd be able to see the outline of baby.

Showing, part 2

It took me a long while to look really, obviously pregnant, even with an almost 50-pound weight gain. But I did get there and it's so fun to look back at pictures and see my belly, and baby, grow.

At 31 weeks

Third Trimester Pregnancy Symptoms

My third trimester of pregnancy was a relatively smooth experience. My biggest complaint was insomnia and fatigue. Most nights I probably slept 4-6 hours, even with the use of Benadryl. I either couldn't get comfortable in bed or had to pee a thousand times thanks to a tiny, pregnant bladder. Thankfully, I wasn't horribly uncomfortable physically until literally just days before giving birth.

The strangest symptom I had during my third trimester was seeing white stars. There were two instances where I wasn't able to see for a few minutes. It was incredibly unnerving, but everything was fine. The doctor said it was just one of those weird, normal things. Pregnancy is something else!

And, naturally, the best part of the third trimester was feeling this sweet girl roll, move and kick around — even when it meant getting jabbed in the ribs!

Other third trimester symptoms included: leaking breasts, seeing stars, fatigue, headaches, nausea, insomnia, dizziness, rapid heart rate (related to dehydration), more belly stretch marks, occasional swelling (though I think that's more related to the heat), back ache (once or twice), feeling baby and change in movements towards the end.

Always,

She's here!

Our beautiful baby girl, Mercedes, made her appearance into the world at 1:05 p.m. August 13 at 7 lb. 1 oz., 21 inches long. She is a mild-mannered, skinny-legged little lady and we just love her to pieces!

California Baby Shower

My mom and her girlfriends threw me a baby shower in California at the end of June. It was so fun to go home and celebrate the impending arrival of our baby girl with family and friends. The theme of the shower was "vintage" and it was absolutely beautiful!

The table in the entrance. The little dress to the left is the dress both my mom and I wore when we were blessed at church. Baby girl will be blessed in it, too! The quilt was my mother's when she was a little girl — one her grandmother made her. 

Oklahoma Baby Shower

Some sweet friends from church threw us a co-ed baby shower/going away party this weekend. We were grateful for the chance to celebrate with our friends and say goodbye! Sadly, I was a bad picture taker and didn't take a single one myself and thus, missed a lot of photos with friends! Thanks to Andrea, one of my hostesses, for snapping these ones for me.

 With my wonderful hostesses Sandra, Andrea, Amy and Ann!

Alien Encounter aka Baby Kicks

Feeling your baby move, roll and kick inside you is one of the most surreal experiences. Words do not adequately describe it. Seeing it is about as weird as it feels. Case in point:

I swear she's about to burst through the skin at any moment. Straight up alien encounter over here.

Always,

Second Trimester Pregnancy Symptoms

My second trimester of pregnancy was good, for the most part. Some days I felt really good and could almost forget I was pregnant, and other days I really struggled. The hardest part was dealing with dizziness and a rapid heart rate. It took me almost the entire 12 weeks to discover it was related to how well hydrated I was. Most mornings I would feel light-headed and couldn't catch my breath, but once I got to work and drank enough water I felt just fine! My nurse told me mornings were probably particularly bad since I hadn't been drinking water all night. Once I started drinking a glass or two of water before bed — and yes, I have to use the rest room in the middle of the night — I felt significantly better come morning and therefore, the rest of the day, too. 

Showing

I always assumed when I was pregnant that I would show quickly and get huge. That has not been the case. My body has shifted dramatically, though! When I was only about 10 weeks and had only gained about six pounds, I had gained two inches onto my waist line. I have also gone up a cup size already, and trying to embrace my already DD bra. YIKES!

In November before I found out I was pregnant, and around 17 weeks. I'm a little more pouchy here.

17 weeks and pre-pregnancy. I think you can see the adjustment on my waistline here.

At around 22 weeks it started to become more obvious, and not just look like I was chubby!

You know you're pregnant when...

All the reasons I've cried thus far:

• My boobs are going to get comically big.
• I'm going to get fat.
• Pure exhaustion.
• Nathaniel is cute. Yes, really.
• My carbonated water exploded when I opened it.
• Nathaniel squished a single, solitary ant. 

Thank you, pregnancy hormones, for making me a crazy person. The best part is I'm usually laughing and crying at the same time because I realize how absolutely ridiculous I'm being.

Always,

Weird Dreams

Pregnancy has given me insomnia and weird dreams to boot. This was one of my favorite:

I had a dream that I rode my bicycle — what bike? I don't own one — to the McDonald's drive through for a vanilla soft serve cone. They ran out of ice cream and I rode back disappointed.

To say the least, I wanted a vanilla cone when I woke up. Damn, hormones.

Always,

First Trimester Pregnancy Symptoms

My first trimester was miserable, but not so much because of the actual pregnancy. I got sick while we were in Disney World and had a miserable sinus infection and bronchitis for a solid six weeks, from about week six to 12. I had a minor relapse a few weeks later, for only a few days, too. On top of all the other pregnancy symptoms, I was pretty miserable. So grateful that is now well behind me!

First trimester symptoms: fatigue, insomnia, nausea, food aversions, food cravings, tender breasts, bloating, gassy

Cravings: Anything protein — meat, beans, nuts, dairy — spicy foods, carbs and cold things (drinks, sorbet, soft serve.) I thought I would crave more fruits and vegetables since I loved, loved, loved eatings salads before I was pregnant but the thought of most fruits and veggies just totally turned me off. I still ate them but didn't crave them like I anticipated I would. I thought eating well would be a breeze — not the case for me, at least not this far in the pregnancy!

I also drank water like a fish before I was pregnant, but drinking water when I was pregnant made me feel bloated and ill. When it didn't make me feel ill, I still had a difficult time drinking enough to really stay hydrated — another thing I was really surprised by and thought would be no problem!

Always,

Pregnancy News Reactions

We obviously had a lot of positive feedback upon breaking the news that we're expecting a baby. A few ranked up there as my favorites.

Among them, Kathleen and Brandon's reaction after I texted them the good news:

This straight up made me laugh out loud.

My other fav was when Nathaniel was on the phone with his abuela. He told her I was due in August, and she said, "Oh, of next year?" I literally could not stop laughing. Yes, Abuela, a two-year pregnancy — what?!

Always,

Baby Cruz

Art I made shortly after finding out I was pregnant.

We are over the moon excited to announce baby GIRL Cruz is coming mid-August 2014!

We had our first ultrasound today and got to see our little love! Healthy at 11 oz. at 19 weeks, measuring 4 days ahead! Can't wait to meet her!

My sweet — probably dramatic — girl with her hand on her forehead.