Fat Soul (4 years)

8/13/2018

Mercedes, 

The way you found out I was pregnant with your little sister is because you had pieced it together and asked me point blank if I had a baby inside me. I was going to hold off telling you. But, conveniently, you asked me the morning we were going to my first real midwife appointment. How could I lie to you? 

Sweet but Tenacious (3 years)

Mercy,

Oh, my love. Three years have come and gone. You make every passing day magical. You have a mischievous sparkle in your eye and a zest for life. You are curious, witty, creative, tenacious, thoughtful and attentive. I am constantly in awe or laughing over something you have done, said or discovered. I could fill up an entire book of funny and cute stories.

The beginning of the end (2 years)

My sweet girl on her 2nd birthday

Mercy,

You are two now. And as stated so concisely in "Peter Pan":

"Two is the beginning of the end."

On identity and relationships (18 months)

My 18-month-old exploring the University of Oklahoma campus.

Mercy,

It's difficult for me to summarize my feelings on the last six months. Not because you haven't made marked growth, but because when I think of you, I feel like you and I — as we know us now — has always been. It almost seems implausible to imagine my identity as one that isn't fluid with my small child, ebbing and flowing from one to two as only a mother and infant can. Between pregnancy and breastfeeding for 14 months, I shared my body with you for nearly two years. Though we have always been two separate beings, for much of your life up until this point I have lived and done so much for you — producing food for you, changing you, helping you sleep and regulate your emotions, etc. It's an experience that has humbled me, better taught me the meaning of charity, and given me a small glimpse into how and why the Savior would so willingly sacrifice himself for all of us. Divine love — charitable love, Christ-like love — inspires undeviating selflessness and sacrifice. What a gift, what a joy it has been to feel that love for you.