On Joy and Sorrow (Six Months)

4/2/19

Gwendolyn,

In the span of one week this month we had the opportunity to watch two friends expand their families. One here in mortality, and the other, heartbreakingly, for the eternities. Being present at an adoption finalization and at an infant’s funeral in the same week lent me so much perspective.

Babies and Fairies (Four Months)

2/2/19

Gwendolyn,

You giggled for the first time this last month. We know the date, in fact: January 6, 2019, will forever be the day you learned to laugh. Your dad was the one lucky enough to elicit it. 

I realize my Peter Pan obsession is still alive and well because I couldn’t help but think a fairy was born on that day of your first laugh. As the book says:

Always (Three Months)

1/2/19

Gwendolyn,

You still feel like a dream. Like the sweetest imagining I’ve ever had. Too sweet and too good to even fathom being reality. But here you are. And your smiles melt me, and your tears break me. At this point in your little life, I can hardly identify when our two identities start and stop. We merge in to each other. A fluid round of touch and nursing. And I freely admit you give me as much comfort as I give you. I am grateful for the reprieve of cuddling, of nursing, of talking, of smiling...it keeps my heart calm.

Sunshine (Two Months)

12/2/18

Gwendolyn,

The second month of your life has been filled with sorrow. On November 8, the unprecedented happened. A fire blazed through the nearby city of Paradise, Calif., and destroyed near everything in its path, including the homes of my grandparents, Howard and Corine, and my uncle, Nate. As of now, the Camp Fire is the deadliest and most destructive wildlife in California history. 

Me Without You (One Month)

11/2/18

Gwendolyn,

It’s been a month with you now. And somehow, I can’t remember me existing without you. It feels as if my identity has shifted to define itself in a way that includes you so completely that the idea of you not being a part of me before now seems foreign. I think of birthing you and it somehow feels like an old memory...like an experience that has long defined me despite only being a month ago. I think of mothering you and I have that same feeling: Loving you has somehow always defined me. You fit into my identity. You fit into my forever. You fit into my eternities — a part of my yesterday and tomorrow, and inseparable from my own perception and definition of joy. You’re a part of my forever and make our family feel whole. It feels as if you’ve always been a part of the plan and I thank God that He has included you in my story. 

California trip, week 2

And...our second week of vacation in California for Christmas: 

When we were in California we were lucky enough to go to the baby blessing for one of the four great-grand babies born into the family this year. We got three of the four babies together, too! It was so fun to see the newest generation of the family together in one place. 

Grandma Corine Hurst at the party after the blessing, rocking baby Brody, sitting next to napping Mercedes. I have the most beautiful grandma, do I not?!

California Trip, Week 1

We were lucky enough to spend two weeks in California for Christmas. We had a wonderful time introducing Mercedes to friends and family! Enjoy the picture overload!

Mercedes' first flight! She hardly fussed on our way to California, save for when it was 2 a.m. our time and we were trying to get her to sleep. Thankfully, she did take a nap in the airport during the layover. 

California Baby Shower

My mom and her girlfriends threw me a baby shower in California at the end of June. It was so fun to go home and celebrate the impending arrival of our baby girl with family and friends. The theme of the shower was "vintage" and it was absolutely beautiful!

The table in the entrance. The little dress to the left is the dress both my mom and I wore when we were blessed at church. Baby girl will be blessed in it, too! The quilt was my mother's when she was a little girl — one her grandmother made her. 

60th Wedding Anniversary

My grandparents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary over the weekend. I was so grateful to be able to be back in California to celebrate such a milestone with them and my entire family (save for three cousins and a few in-laws).

It was a special occasion to have most of us in the same spot, and I will forever cherish the conversations I had with both of my grandparents. Grandad, 84, was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. Unfortunately, the cancer has spread to his spine. Though we don't yet know his prognosis, we know at his age, it's only a matter of time — month or years. We sat and talked about life lessons he has learned, and I asked him for advice he'd give me as I approach motherhood and anything he'd want to tell his great-grandchildren. It was a tender exchange between the two of us and my cousins, mom and aunt that were also gathered around. I loved seeing my grandma, 79, tear up as she viewed a printed version of one of her wedding photos.

All of us! I am so grateful that my family can be mine for eternity!

2013: Highlights

For me, 2013 was a year of many ups and downs. There were a few heartbreaks and also a handful of triumphs. Read on for a recap of my last twelve months.

January:
The year started off with a bang when I found out I was pregnant. I was shocked, thrilled and absolutely terrified.

February:
February started off without a hitch, and I felt incredibly lucky on Valentine's Day to be celebrating a new chapter in our lives — I even made a card themed around how big our baby was supposed to be that week: an olive. Unfortunately, a few days later, I was devastated when I was blindsided by the beginning of a miscarriage.

San Diego Mormon Battalion Historic Site

Before we headed to the rehearsal dinner on Friday we wandered to the San Diego Mormon Battalion Historic Site. The site was very well done — both adorably entertaining and informative. It was interactive which, really, is perfect for any age range. I would definitely check it out if you're in the San Diego area.

Nathaniel dressing up as a battalion member.

Disneyland and San Diego Zoo 2013

The day after we arrived in San Diego for Taylor's wedding we headed to the San Diego Zoo. The weather was lovely and it wasn't terribly busy — it was perfect! We both had a blast seeing the animals and just being together.

At the zoo.

Taylor's Bachelorette Party

Remember when I was asked to be a bridesmaid? The final days of being a Clark finally arrived for the future Mrs. McBride! We arrived in San Diego just in time for me to head out to the bachelorette party. We — the bride, bridesmaids and a few friends — spent the night in Downtown San Diego dancing, bar hoping and all around just having a good time! Definitely a success celebrating Taylor's last week of singledom!

Always,

2012: Highlights

Honestly, 2012 has largely been a blur for me. Let's recap it, shall we, before I lose track of 2013, too.

January:

I wrote story after story and enjoyed a visit from two sets of friends! I got my first real taste of Oklahoma weather, and was deeply touched by a group of local students and their teacher.

February:

We headed to Lubbock to celebrate my only nephew's first birthday, watched my brother jam out with his band, and laughed at the weird books I get in the mail at work. I got a double-dose of Disney, both at work and in Orlando.

Allison's Wedding

While we were in California for Christmas we were blessed to attend the wedding of my sweet high school friend, Allison. The two of us were on swim team together and enjoyed many, many hours together in the pool, talking at school or giggling at sleepovers. It made my heart soar to see her with a man that makes her so happy! Congrats, Allison and Josh! Thanks for letting us be apart of your big day!

During the ceremony

On Those I Love

One of my favorite parts of going back to California is catching up with friends and family I love most. I got my fill of both during this trip.

With high school friends Taylor, Jesilyn and Rachel.

Monterey 2012, part two

On day three in Monterey, we visited the Carmel Mission then headed to the Monarch butterfly sanctuary in Pacific Grove. The butterflies were just warming up when we arrived. I was amazed at how difficult they were to see from the ground. The butterflies spend the night clumped up together high in the eucalyptus trees — they look like leaves. Pretty clever disguise if you ask me!

Monterey 2012

For Christmas we headed to California to enjoy the holiday with my family. After all the gifts were opened we — my parents, two brothers Tyler and Austin, and me and Nathaniel — loaded up the car and headed to Monterey. The day after Christmas my cousin Kourtney, and her husband, Alden, met up with us and we headed to the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

The aquarium was awe-inspiring — despite the crowds!

Gold, Rafting, Burgers & Pie

After all the wedding festivities were over, my mom, my brother, Dallas, Nathaniel and I, spent a morning white water rafting on the American River.

We looked a little something like this:

Aaaawesome.

The only thing holdin' you in the tube is your feet shoved under portions of the tube. Which, surprisingly, feels really secure. My butt only flew off the tube a few times; although, by the end of the day my booty was definitely a little tender.

Before we hit the river, we drove up the street to Coloma to see the site where gold was first discovered (eureka!) in California. In the second photo we are standing in front of the sawmill that led to the gold discovery. If you weren't a 4th grader in California, you can read all about gold rush history here.

Kourt + Alden = Forever

Once upon a time Kourtney was single. And around the same time Nathaniel and I were getting ready to get married. We reassured Kourt that if she came to Lubbock, we knew a boy that would ask her out in the snap of a finger. She laughed. Six months later we reassured her of the same thing, but she still didn't take us seriously. Soon after Nathaniel and I were married, Alden was at our house, flipping through the contacts on my phone looking for any girl names, then looking up their pictures on Facebook. If they were cute, he'd send them a text from my phone. Kourt texted back. Long story short, Kourt eventually moved to Lubbock, became our roommate, and Alden and her decided to get married.

A year after our second attempt of convincing her to come to Lubbock to meet the love of her life, Mom, Nathaniel, Grandma, Grandad and I, found ourselves spending a day decorating for her and Alden's wedding reception. Funny how life works, eh?

The theme was kind of outdoor/patio/bird-esque...and purple and yellow were the colors. This is what we came up with! 1. Lights and lanterns Nathaniel worked all day to hang. 2. A vintage door as the gift table. A clothes line with photos and birds behind it. 3. Center pieces. 4. Guest book table.

The love birds were married in the LDS Oakland Temple on August 6th, which is beautiful in and of itself, but the weather was wonderful to match!

The LDS Oakland Temple. My parents were married here, too!

I did Kourt's hair and make-up the morning of, and she was as cool as a cucumber.

 The gorgeous bride...she made my job easy. BTW, her hair was really simple...swear.